The balance is becoming normal. The world no longer seems to be crashing upon my shoulders weighing me down like a ton of bricks. Crazy as it seems, I think my podcast has saved my life. There's something very draining and frustrating when it comes to expressing emotions, thoughts and feelings to those who refuse to listen. Not saying They're bad people, they just don't have the open ear that I do. That feeling starts eating at me, a trigger in my brain that reminds me I'm all alone. The fact that if my sentences aren't under 140 characters, and spoken at break-neck speeds, the interest is lost. Nobody gives a damn what needs to be said. Not that every word is important mind you, but the fact that somebody would be willing to take time for me, is unnerving to say the least. I'm the one who gives the compliments, yet never receives any. I provide the listening ear with words of advice to those who can't return the favor. I slump deeper and deeper into a depression until I wake up, and realize I've slept for 2 days straight. But who's there to care when all is crumbling? The only one who's there for me. The face in the mirror. Which reminds me, Tomorrow's the day I pick up my first refill of "Crazy don't kill yourself" pills from the doctor's office. I think they help. I sleep less. I eat less. I've lost weight. That's good. But where would I be without my podcast outlet? I started it as a free form of therapy when things were getting to a very dangerous point in my head. It released a lot of the tension. I suddenly felt human again. At least for a short while. Now I'm updating every week. Which makes me think that I don't need the blog page anymore. However, I keep promoting this page on my show. Which means I need to write something, instead of copying over show notes. Although they can be pretty cool. They look like scratches and riff raff to an outside onlooker. Either way, I just finished up episode 8, and the great feeling, comes to me when I check the stats of the show's progression, and it shows me that people from all over the country and around the world are listening to my dumb voice rant and rave about nothing for 20 minutes a week. But those 20 minutes a week, seems more than anyone in my actual life gives, so it means I will surely continue. Not only continue, but as long as I do, I will be....Just Okay
soundcloud.com/thispodcastisjustokay
youtube.com/kissmembr34
twitter.com/ozmusic34
facebook.com/thispodcastisjustokay
kissmembr34@gmail.com
